Darwinism 101

Sunny Frazier 2Returning guest blogger Sunny Frazier, whose first novel in the Christy Bristol Astrology Mysteries, Fools Rush In, received the Best Novel Award from Public Safety Writers Association, offers some predictions about how we humans will change physically in our technological future.

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Ever since our ancestors climbed out of the primordial sludge, humans have been changing and adapting. We’re taller, our heads are bigger, we no longer need sharp canine teeth for tearing raw meat (vampires excluded). I’m not sure the appendix is of any use and I’ve never missed my tonsils since they were removed.

As we adapt to our environment and lifestyle, I am going to make some predictions on what future humans will look like.

Our fingers will be smaller in order to type on tiny keyboards on our phones. Fingernails will disappear as we no longer need claws. This will solve the nail biting habit but manicurists will go out of business.

Ears become larger and have grown ear buds to block all sound except what we plug into. We no longer have vocal cords because we’ve stopped talking to each other and only communicate by text messaging. Nobody knows how to spell real words. Any word over four letters no longer exists in the English language.

We’ll have bat-based radar so we can now text and walk without running into things or each other.

Eyesight will have zoom lenses and polarized irises to protect against the sun (no more need for Ray Bans). Our eyelids will stay open and only go down like curtains when it’s time to sleep.

Legs will be shorter as we no longer need them. Everyone will be riding Hoverounds. There will be an indent in the human posterior the size of a cell phone to prevent “butt calls.”

Where Angels FearOur spines will become like flex straws and our rotor cuffs like Slinkies so we can extend out to reach things without getting up.

Our Google-trained brains will retrieve information faster than high speed Internet. The Internet itself is an antique concept.

Our appetites and taste buds become trained to reject foods that are bad for us (take that, Lucky Charms!).

I like to be original in my blogs, but others have beaten me to the punch. Here are some quotes that made me stop and think:

“I’m struck by the insidious, computer-driven tendency to take things out of the domain of muscular activity and put them into the domain of mental activity. The transfer is not paying off. Sure, muscles are unreliable, but they represent several million years of accumulated finesse.” ~Brian Eno,Wired, January 1999

“If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger.” ~Frank Lloyd Wright

“Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards.” ~Aldous Huxley

“This is perhaps the most beautiful time in human history; it is really pregnant with all kinds of creative possibilities made possible by science and technology which now constitute the slave of man – if man is not enslaved by it.” ~Jonas Salk

“The production of too many useful things results in too many useless people.” ~Karl Marx

Do you have any predictions for what technology will change in the human anatomy in the future?

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20 thoughts on “Darwinism 101

  1. Street and business numerical addresses, along with street names, will no longer be needed as everything will be referrred to by their respective GPS coordinates.

      • …and in further New York City’s mayoral news, the mayor has passed a new ordanacne limiting the magazine portion of PEZ dispensers to only seven pieces of candy.

        …and in news out of Washington D.C., the latest DEA report on illegal cash crops, sugar cane, cacao bean and coffee bean plants are now listed as the top Deadly Three.

  2. Perhaps more likely, fifty generations from now we’ll all be huddled around campfires to stay safe from the assorted trolls, troglodytes, tetrapods, and wolves that roam the wastelands, our Facebook passwords long forgotten.

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