Stache's Letter

Maryann Miller‘s latest release is a short-story collection, The Wisdom of Ages, which does not have a single story about a cat. That’s why she likes to blog about cats. Not too many find their way into her books, although the central character in Open Season, the first book in a new mystery series, does have a cat.

http://www.facebook.com/Maryannwrites

http://twitter.com/#!/maryannwrites

Website: MaryannWrites (http://www.maryannwrites.com )

Blog: It’s Not All Gravy (http://its-not-all-gravy.blogspot.com/)
Blog: The Blood Red Pencil (http://bloodredpencil.blogspot.com/2010/01/things-that-drive-editor-crazy.html)

Buy link for The Wisdom of Ages   http://www.amazon.com/Wisdom-Ages-Short-Collection-ebook/dp/B004X75P4M/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpi_8

Buy link for Open Season   http://www.amazon.com/Open-Season-Five-Star-Mystery/dp/1594149151/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpi_7

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Back in November our son, David, transferred from Austin to Dallas and had to find a temporary home for his cat until he could get established in a new apartment. Of course, Mom and Dad would be happy to have the cat. Her name is Stache, because she had the cutest little mustache, and she is very timid. She stayed with us for several months and we started to become quite attached to her.  When it was close to the time David was going to come and get Stache, he sent a message warning us that if we wanted to sue him for guardianship, now was the time to act.

I thought it would be fun to have my son-in-law draw up some papers challenging David’s fitness to have the cat back, so we had some fun sending messages back and forth from this “shyster lawyer” and his clients. When Stache got wind of what was going on, she wrote this letter to David:

Dear David,

When are you going to come and get me? I was prowling around in this woman’s office the other day and found a paper saying she is filing for permanent guardianship of me. Please! Please! Please! Go to court and fight this decision. According to what I read in this paper, these people state they are taking good care of me – better than you would do – but let me tell you what it is really like here.

First of all, they lock me in the bedroom. They say it is just so I can eat in private, but I know the truth. They are out there playing with those other animals and loving on them, while I am exiled in this room. And have you seen it lately. Geesh, you’d think they’d bring in some new toys and things for me now and then.

Speaking of those other cats. They don’t like me. The calico one hisses at me all the time. The other two, huge boy cats, whap me for no reason if I get too close to them. I only want to see if we can be friends, and they are so rude.

Then there’s the issue of the dogs. There is this little one who barks at me all the time. She has this sharp, high-pitched yap that scares the you-know-what out of me. And she has the most gross habits. Licks and chews in the middle of the night when I am trying to sleep. Won’t even tell you what she does to the litter box. Makes me want to barf. The other dog is a giant. I am not kidding you. Sometimes I will sniff her when she is sleeping, but when she is awake I make a wide berth around her. She could swallow me whole. Not that she’s ever tried. I’m just saying she could.

These people say they love me, but they do the darndest things that send me running for a corner. The woman has this horrible monster that makes a lot of noise and sucks up everything in sight. Once she got close to me, and I thought I was a goner. Then they invite other people into the house and they bring machines that make all kinds of noise. How is a cat supposed to sleep?

Please, I need the peace and security of my own home where I am not terrorized by all these animals and these people who are only pretending to love me.

When are you going to come and get me from this horrible prison?

Love,

Your cat, Stache

Stache’s Letter

Maryann Miller‘s latest release is a short-story collection, The Wisdom of Ages, which does not have a single story about a cat. That’s why she likes to blog about cats. Not too many find their way into her books, although the central character in Open Season, the first book in a new mystery series, does have a cat.

http://www.facebook.com/Maryannwrites

http://twitter.com/#!/maryannwrites

Website: MaryannWrites (http://www.maryannwrites.com )

Blog: It’s Not All Gravy (http://its-not-all-gravy.blogspot.com/)
Blog: The Blood Red Pencil (http://bloodredpencil.blogspot.com/2010/01/things-that-drive-editor-crazy.html)

Buy link for The Wisdom of Ages   http://www.amazon.com/Wisdom-Ages-Short-Collection-ebook/dp/B004X75P4M/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpi_8

Buy link for Open Season   http://www.amazon.com/Open-Season-Five-Star-Mystery/dp/1594149151/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpi_7

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back in November our son, David, transferred from Austin to Dallas and had to find a temporary home for his cat until he could get established in a new apartment. Of course, Mom and Dad would be happy to have the cat. Her name is Stache, because she had the cutest little mustache, and she is very timid. She stayed with us for several months and we started to become quite attached to her.  When it was close to the time David was going to come and get Stache, he sent a message warning us that if we wanted to sue him for guardianship, now was the time to act.

I thought it would be fun to have my son-in-law draw up some papers challenging David’s fitness to have the cat back, so we had some fun sending messages back and forth from this “shyster lawyer” and his clients. When Stache got wind of what was going on, she wrote this letter to David:

Dear David,

When are you going to come and get me? I was prowling around in this woman’s office the other day and found a paper saying she is filing for permanent guardianship of me. Please! Please! Please! Go to court and fight this decision. According to what I read in this paper, these people state they are taking good care of me – better than you would do – but let me tell you what it is really like here.

First of all, they lock me in the bedroom. They say it is just so I can eat in private, but I know the truth. They are out there playing with those other animals and loving on them, while I am exiled in this room. And have you seen it lately. Geesh, you’d think they’d bring in some new toys and things for me now and then.

Speaking of those other cats. They don’t like me. The calico one hisses at me all the time. The other two, huge boy cats, whap me for no reason if I get too close to them. I only want to see if we can be friends, and they are so rude.

Then there’s the issue of the dogs. There is this little one who barks at me all the time. She has this sharp, high-pitched yap that scares the you-know-what out of me. And she has the most gross habits. Licks and chews in the middle of the night when I am trying to sleep. Won’t even tell you what she does to the litter box. Makes me want to barf. The other dog is a giant. I am not kidding you. Sometimes I will sniff her when she is sleeping, but when she is awake I make a wide berth around her. She could swallow me whole. Not that she’s ever tried. I’m just saying she could.

These people say they love me, but they do the darndest things that send me running for a corner. The woman has this horrible monster that makes a lot of noise and sucks up everything in sight. Once she got close to me, and I thought I was a goner. Then they invite other people into the house and they bring machines that make all kinds of noise. How is a cat supposed to sleep?

Please, I need the peace and security of my own home where I am not terrorized by all these animals and these people who are only pretending to love me.

When are you going to come and get me from this horrible prison?

Love,

Your cat, Stache